There is a quote by Pablo Neruda that goes "I want to do to you what the spring does to the cherry tree." I have always thought that this was one of the most romantic things I have ever heard. It's the fact that someone loves you enough to want to help make your dreams come true, make you bloom. Spring is such a wonderful season of renewal, growth and hope.
And this year I feel like I'm missing it. I've been waiting for spring to come, and somehow I feel like I've missed its arrival, and I will wake up one day and it would have come and gone, and I would have had no time to see it. For various reasons, I haven't been able to go out much, and it's been bothering me, more than I though it would. I am also itching to go out with my camera. So far I have mostly snapped a few shots from around my house; it's still something, I guess.
I hate how I have become a complainer. I try not to do it, but I guess I'm just tired. My mom gets annoyed with me a lot whenever I tell her anything that would hint at me being tired or a bit sad. She keeps scolding me, saying that I have nothing to complain about when compared to other people, and that I am being over-dramatic. That just makes me sadder. I don't know how to explain to people that I am just really deeply tired. I work hard, and often my work day goes beyond my official work hours, and after I go home, I usually study, and then go to bed. That's my usual schedule, apart from a dance class here and there, and perhaps lunch with friends once in a few weeks or the occasional play. And while I'm doing that, I feel like people are living their lives, actually living them - being outside, having fun, going to the movies, partying in clubs, traveling during the weekend. I just don't want to miss out on life, and right at this moment, it feels that way.
I do know that I am lucky in many ways; I have not been saddled with debt, I own my home, I have a job, I am pretty healthy, I am in a good relationship. I am deeply grateful to fate that I have been gifted with these blessings, but sometimes, after an exhausting work and study stretch, I still feel cranky. I guess that this master's degree is turning out to be way more of a challenge than I expected when coupled with my job. It's not that I find the act of studying or the material itself hard. It is that I find the lack of any free time hard when out of seven days I can barely scrape half a day to myself or to spend with the people I love. I am at the final stretch, and I am trying not to get discouraged. Clearly, I am not always successful :)
To those who read this blog (even though you are not that many) sorry for all the whining. I promise a happier topic next time. Maybe I should write post about the 10 great things about working towards an MBA degree. It might help me stay positive :)